Wipe That Smile Off Your Face!

“All the factors say go, but my heart says “no”.    Mike Huckabee

I watched a news report yesterday about a study that concluded that guys who are smiling are not attractive.  I also read a tweet earlier in the day from a local radio station with a joke about it, saying something like: “Study says happy guys are unattractive, I say go #$@* yourself“.

Personally I’m not really too surprised, I guess if I ever found myself single again I might have to change my avatar since I look pretty happy on it. But, seriously it doesn’t really bother me too much because I used to be completely inspired by Hollywood’s heroes like Jean-Claude Van Damme with their cold-blooded movie cover poses, too. Today I can step back and observe without feeling compelled to imitate whoever is starring in the latest action blockbuster.

That’s right, back in the days when I’d be going to clubs I would walk around with a stupid looking snarl on my face as if I were looking to avenge my keyed Mustang (I never actually owned one). When I heard the report I came to the conclusion that if a guy was actually in a state of  bliss he isn’t going to be disheartened by this study, whereas if the winner of the study, the proud, serious-looking “Bad Boy” lost he would probably be seriously considering filing a lawsuit for defamation of character.

I guess it probably goes both ways, though because in my younger days commercials or ads with unhappy-looking women definitely seemed more alluring. Nowadays if I see smiling faces in advertising, it seems to be more heart-warming and therefore if the product they’re selling seems relevant to my needs, I might be more inclined to buy it as opposed to an ad that seems negative.

So What’s In It For The Players?

On the news report I saw some young women explaining why they’d be more inclined to seek a relationship with the guy with the jutting chin, chest out, and grave look in their eyes. They said things like he’d be more manly, mysterious or dangerous and I think it’s probably a primitive thing. The father is someone who’ll be able to protect and provide for their young. So what would be the point in pursuing a relationship with a guy who doesn’t appear to have that killer instinct and seems content to just let things be?

I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion but I’m sure a lot of relationships with so-called “Bad Boys” usually end with a lot of sadness and shame. It really seems like a game that is doomed to failure, but maybe it’s always been this way on a certain level and nowadays we’re just more hung up about breakups. I’m sure that in ancient times with the alpha male having hundreds of kids with hundreds of mothers there was no qualms about him being a “Deadbeat Dad”, the mothers were just glad to have a healthy baby. Nowadays people like ODB (god rest his soul) from the Wu Tang Clan get a really bad rap, and with the conditions of society today it’s understandable.

I feel kinda foolish to admit this but when I was younger and saying a lot of bad words, wearing my game face, not caring about other people’s feelings, drinking too much, and doing stuff that was totally self-centered it was only my way of saying “I don’t want to be alone”. A lot has changed for me since I realized how important it is to be happy and I’m proud to say that I don’t get depressed half as often. Since there’s less guilt about being someone I’m not because of feeling like the odds are against me I thankfully no longer feel the need to wipe that smile off my face.

The Fundamentals of Planking

As promised I took part in Planking Day, if you don’t know what it’s all about I gave a pretty good description in “For the Love Of Planking“. Anyways, after a rough shoot, I dusted myself off and spent about four hours editing, then another 5 hours trying to figure out how to upload it. Finally my video debut is here!

I’ve been thinking about doing something to help raise awareness and this seemed like the ultimate opportunity, so check out the links for Asthma and Allergy Awareness & Mental Health, since May is the month for both. They’re great causes and just by understanding them better we can show our support!

Here’s the video for “The Fundamentals of Planking” I hope you enjoy it, it’s only my first crack at video so it ain’t perfect.

(And I even did my own stunts!)

Cartoon Geniuses

“There’s a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” Oogway the Turtle 

So I thought I’d test the waters a little bit on FaceBook and throw a question out there: Who is the smartest cartoon character?

I got one response from a sarcastic friend of mine and I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t exist. One of my youngins suggested Inspector Gadget, who puts on a good front, but it’s plain to see that, although he can pull off the most challenging of feats, it all obviously happened by accident.

My Pick

I was watching Kung Fu Panda last weekend and couldn’t help but be struck by Oogway’s infinite wisdom. I was dining at the Noodle House earlier that day for the first time ever. It had opened when I was about 13 and I’d always assumed it only sold noodles. Of course I was not foolish enough to pay anything more than 50 cents for noodles and I always kept a supply of Mr. Noodles handy. Anyways, when I went they sold more than noodles and I was impressed with the food and service, they treated us like family. They also had some free books on Buddhist teachings and I gladly took a couple. They reminded me of the type of stuff that the old Turtle from Kung Fu Panda would say like everything and nothing are the same.

Honorable Mentions

So it’s fair to say that Oogway is my pick for the smartest cartoon, but what do you think? Here are some other names worth mentioning with my favorite YouTube Links:

1. Dr. Cockroach from Monsters Vs. Aliens. Hugh Laurie and his English accent would make any character look like a genius.
2. Mr. Peabody makes it look easy as he casually bounced around in time and always had a logical explanation for his ol’ buddy Sherman.
3. Stewy Griffin of The Family Guy might have a head shaped like a football and be a baby, but when it comes to elaborated schemes, there’s none better.
4. Lisa Simpson was a child prodigy beyond compare, she had enough brains and determination to easily become America’s first female president. Unfortunately, after about twenty years without aging it’s pretty obvious that she’ll never even be old enough to vote.
5. And last but not least, South Park’s Mr. Mackey.(That link contains f-bombs, for mature audiences only!) He’s taught the children of South Park about the dangers of substance abuse, which is such a delicate topic, with such wisdom and insight that even the most erudite of cartoon fans can walk away feeling humbled and richer in knowledge.

Who’s your favorite cartoon genius?

For The Love Of Planking

An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.
Mohandas Gandhi

If you’ve ever heard of planking, you’ve probably wondered how these extraordinary individuals pull it off. I found one picture of three “plankers” with so much raw talent that they were actually levitating while planking and thought I should share it. Here it is…The technique must take an awful lot of practice but apparently it’s an awesome workout for the abs. It’s a relatively new market, really. Sure Snoopy used to exhibit his well-developed talent with such grace and precision that it went virtually un-noticed throughout the “Peanuts” hay-day. But lately this planking craze has been catching a lot of buzz. A guy in Australia even died for his love of planking.

I don’t know if I’m prepared to take on all the physical training necessary to actually be able to sustain a properly executed “plank” long enough for someone to get a good snapshot but supposedly, May 25th is going to be the first ever “Planking Day” and I have been challenged to pose for a planking picture that originally started out as a joke. I’m going to attempt to perform the world’s first ever “Plank Plank”. Thats right, if I can get myself mentally prepared enough (and of course, build a regulation sized plank) by next Wednesday, I might be able to propel myself into Plank Superstardom and finally get the recognition I’ve been “crarving” for ever since I heard of this YouTube phenomenon.

My Rigorous Training Regimen

I know I’ve been using quite a few big words during this post, but Ido have a suspicion that not everybody is as thrilled about planking as I claim to be (I sat and thought about what to write about for 20 minutes before planking popped into my head) so sensationalization appears to be almost mandatory. Anyways, I have to stay focussed on my goal of becoming a world renowned planker, so here’s the schedule.

I plan to get about 7 hours of training tonight immediately after I finish this post. That’s right, I going to attempt to actually get game ready while I sleep! I’ve written about fitness before but I have to admit, I’ve never had this much passion for a test of physical strength since I repeatedly attempted to make that thing at the Carnival hit the bell by whackin’ it with a sledge hammer.

Here’s the routine:

1. Lay on stomach.
2. Put pillow on left side.
3. Lay close enough to the right side so that if move will fall out of bed.
4. Try to stay still for whole night.
5. If fall, swallow pride, dust self off, and immediately get back to training.
6. Wake up, end exercise, load up on protein, and try to take easy until next session which will commence at approximately 2:00pm in afternoon, then 7:30 in evening.

The Game Face

I was looking at a picture of a guy playing guitar the other day and I couldn’t help but think that he looked like he was poised to try to shove the headstock through some enemy tribesman’s heart. Then I was looking at pictures of Arnold Schwarzenegger (I’ll be drawing some new caricatures in the near future) and noticed in his younger photos he looks a lot meaner than his most recent ones.

After thinking about it a little, I realized that when I was younger, I used to wear my game face quite a bit whether I was actually playing a game (any thing from baseball to video games to tiddlywinks) or just out in public with people I wasn’t familiar with. It seems like a tribal thing, like the unspoken “stay out of my way or I’ll run through you”. It probably comes from the flight or fight thing and from what I’ve read that raises stress levels.

I guess it’s something you grow out of though because I don’t really feel the need to cringe my face up for potentially the biggest challenge of my life, but then, nobody would actually know the difference anyway because during a properly executed plank the face will be firmly planted in the ground (or in my case, a plank).

Q: Have you ever had to prepare to achieve anything in the name of love?